Funny funny!

If you have a teething baby...I recommend this little teething toy. Target, I believe. The best part is that it vibrates when they bite down on it. Seeing him bite down on it the first time was worth 3x the amount I paid for it. He made the most confused face and then let out a laugh. My advice, if you get one, video the first bite...totally worth it!


The following photos...are just for fun! And possibly for the future embarrassment of my son!

Normal sitting, chubby baby...

Farting, sitting, chubby baby!!

That night...

While we were back in Texas (for our lovely 5 week break), my mom asked me a simple question one night in the middle of a crazy, fun game night with the sisters..."Is being a mom harder than you thought it would be?" It kind of hit me hard, because I had not really thought about it before.

When I was pregnant, I didn't really think about how hard, easy, tiring, rewarding it would be. I was so excited to meet my little boy and so in love with him from the second I saw the 2 lines on that little stick, but I hadn't really thought about it. I may have gotten to thinking about it when I got close to the end of my pregnancy...but things never go as planned. I never expected to have my water break 7 weeks early. I was blissfully unaware that Wednesday in August that motherhood was only hours away.

I still have some very strong and very difficult to handle feelings about the whole thing. It is always in the back of my mind...that night...that night. Maybe talking about it would help, but I don't really do it that often. I am so very grateful for everything that went right that night, that my baby could breathe, that he was OKAY. I can't explain the feeling of hearing him scream. From the time we got to the ER and I was told by my doctor, "He has to come tonight" (but in espanol) until I heard him scream, I was a sobbing, nervous wreck. His screams calmed mine to a degree.

I am always grateful because things could have been a lot worse...but you know things could have been a lot better. And that is what I get hung up on. I feel a little cheated...out of a pregnancy, out of having those first moments after birth with my son, out of being with him and comforting him every night, out of having pictures of the first 3 weeks of his life. These feelings make me feel a little selfish, but nonetheless they are there. I know it is cliche to say, but until you have had it happen to you, you cannot begin to understand.

The first time I saw him, outside of the OR, was about 2pm the day he was born (he was born just after midnight). I could not stop crying and apologizing to him...for what exactly I didn't know, but I felt like a bad mom for not being able to stop or prevent what had happened. I hated seeing him with all the wires and things in his nose, mouth, covering his eyes, and being so small. Seriously, I couldn't get over the smallness!! That is when the feelings started, but that is also when I felt the love I had for him grow...a lot.

With each visit to see him, things got easier and better. The crying lessened and I was able to handle it much more. The times in between seeing him got easier as well...but every single night I broke down. My sweet, supportive, amazing husband was there for me every night in bed when I had my little breakdowns. I am so grateful for that...for never being told not to cry by him because he understood.

To add insult to injury, in the weeks after Tate was born, many friends and acquaintances had babies and took them home. I avoided facebook, other than to post updates for our family and friends, because I couldn't look at the pictures...it was too upsetting for me. I know...crazy...but it was better for me to just avoid it. Everything got easier with time.

I am now almost 5 months past that...which I seriously cannot believe! Stop growing so fast little boy!! And at 5 months past it, I am better, but not healed. When I look at my sweet tough little boy, I know that he cannot remember a single prick or change of the feeding tube and for that I am grateful. I still have such respect for him and think he is the toughest little baby ever!

To get back to the question, motherhood is much harder than I thought it would be. I never thought I would have to deal with hospitals so much, I never thought I would be soo tired. But I also never thought how in love I would be, how much one little 3 pound boy could change me, how happy I could get over the simplest smile, how much I could love to watch him sleep. So in all aspects, motherhood was more than I thought it would be. It takes being a mom to get it. People always said that but now I really know it is true!

My son is one of the 2 greatest blessing the Lord has given me...my Zachary and my Tate. To know that both of them are mine forever makes me feel happier and safer than anything else. And every morning when I go to get that little boy out of his bed and he gives me the biggest grin, I know that every thing is just as it should be. That everything happened exactly how it was supposed to...and that gives me comfort. Every day he takes away a little bit of the hurt I have and I know that one day, because of him, I will be whole again and the flashes of that night will slowly fade from my mind.

Being his mom is the greatest, hardest, happiest, most rewarding thing...and I am grateful everyday that the Lord entrusted Zachary and I with him. I also pray every day to be worthy to be his mother.


That night...the only family photo we have of his time in the hospital.


My little wired, wiggle worm. I will never forget how sweet and angelic he looked in that NICU.


His first day home with me...where he belonged.


This morning...making my life better, like he does every single day. Who couldn't be happy waking up to see this!!

To anyone who reads this...thanks. It has helped me to put it all out there...I don't know that I will ever get this personal on here again, but I needed this. :)

Laughing!

Little man is a little laugher now. It is not all the time but he has been doing it the last few days. Up until this morning, when mommy was actually funny, daddy was the only one who could make him laugh. It is the sweetest sound EVER! He is getting such a little personality and has for sure found his voice...and is testing its pitch, the boy can get pretty loud!

Blogger is not wanting to let me upload the video. So click here to see the video of our little stud...who is so talented he can laugh with his fist in his mouth!

And because pictureless posts are quite boring...not when some people write them, but when I do they are...here is my happy little boy!!

Teethies...

I am pretty sure...actually, completely convinced...that the teething process has begun! I thought I would still have some time before we hit that stage. Tate is almost 5 months old, but only 3 months adjusted. Teething is one of the things that I read you should expect at the adjusted age...but here they come! My sweet always happy little boy has been replaced by a moody man...sometimes a little monster, but a stinkin cute one!

Little man slobbers like crazy, eats his hands, my fingers, chews his paci, and puts anything that gets close to his mouth in it! Other signs...fussy in the evenings, and not sleeping as well at night. He started sleeping about 8 hours at night over a month ago but now wakes up a few times to cry. I seriously do not know how I lived through the beginning with literally no sleep...proof that you adjust to being a mommy quite quickly!

He loves these fridge teethers. I think these particular ones are good because there is a non cold part for him to hold onto.

Don't let this picture fool you...he is not sucking, but chewing!

One of my favorite pictures of him ever! Little hand eating monster...he cannot get enough!!

Tate's First Christmas

We spent 5 weeks in Texas for our Christmas break. It was nice to spend so much time with family and for everyone to get to meet our little man! We are glad to be back home now and not living in suitcases...5 weeks is a long time to do that especially with a 4 month old. That is right...somehow we have a 4 month old. I CANNOT believe he is that old!!!

Here are a few photos of Christmas Day. Tate is a big smiler these days but is camera shy cause I can never seem to catch them on camera! Also he spent his first Christmas sick with a cold and bad cough...so he was pretty tired Christmas morning. We are just glad that we got some photos!


Here is our little stud with his loot from Santa! He is not really super interested in these toys yet...but the time is coming!!


These 2 cousins were so fun to watch together! Their matching pjs were adorable. Emma is at such a fun and cute age!!


And here is a classic looking rough on Christmas morning picture...but our first ever one as a family of 3!!

I just threw this one in cause I love these 2 little babies together! I will post some more photos of our Christmas trip soon and more pictures of our happy growing boy. He was just over 12 pounds at 4 months when he went to the dr. in Texas for his cough...so he is growing fast!!!

Almost 3 months old!

I am a bad blogger but we can blame it on motherhood! Our sweet little boy was released from the hospital when he was 3 weeks old on September 16th...that day is also Mexican Independence Day, kind of fitting that Tate got his independence from wires and such that day as well! It was the longest 21 days of my life, but now he is home and healthy!

When he was released from the hospital he weighed 4 pounds 10 ounces, up a whole pound from his birth weight. At his 2 month appointment he was 8 pounds 12 ounces...the boy can sure put on the weight!! Now is most likely already a 10 pounder! He has come so far and doesn't even look like the same skinny baby we brought home from the hospital.

He is a really good baby...not a big cryer, just a bad eater! He takes a long time to eat and seems to have bad gas. He was put on soy formula a few days ago and it seems to be helping. His intolerance for milk has given me a reason to stop pumping since he never would breast feed. I am not sure still how I feel about that...but I knew with a preemie that things would probably not go as I had pictured them in my mind, starting with his early birth. He is also really pretty good at nights since he was about 6 or 7 weeks old he has slept from about 11pm-4am and then 5am-9am. I can't really complain about that! Just waiting patiently for the night that he doesn't wake up...it will come!

We are so blessed and love this little guy so much. He started smiling for real this week at 11 weeks old, 4 weeks adjusted. Our doctor has assured us not to worry about him being behind, as long as he hits milestones by his adjusted age we have nothing to worry about! It was a long 11 weeks waiting for that smile but it was totally worth it! I have realized that when he is smiling at me, I have a constant smile on my face, so much that my cheeks start to hurt! He is also making progress on holding his head up but is not quite there yet.
We are getting ready to head to Texas for our 5 week Christmas break. We fly out the day after Thanksgiving which is also the day of Zach's last test and Tate's 3 month birthday. Can you tell we can't wait to get back home?!? Tate has yet to meet my dad, or any of our siblings or extended family. The only ones he has met are my mom and Zach's parents! Needless to say, he has a large fan club waiting to pounce on him! I am pretty sure that Zach and I will be fighting to hold our own baby!!

I will try to update more often...but most likely not until we get back to Mexico at the beginning of January. So Happy Holidays...Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's! We can't wait to celebrate our first holiday season with our amazing little gift!!

First day home from the hospital!

One of my all time favs...so tiny!!

Sweet little nugget!

I also love this one...well I love all of them!

Hanging out in his preemie pjs. He grew into newborn size at about 8 weeks, he is still in newborn size now!
Tiny hands!

This is skipping ahead a bit...it takes too long to upload pictures. I will post a link to my facebook album at the end...lots of photos there!

Mommy and her sweet baby. 11/15

Facebook album click here...

Tate James Stevenson

Our precious son decided to make his debut a little earlier than expected. Tate James Stevenson was born August 26th, 2010 at 12:06a.m. via emergency c-section. He was born at 33 weeks gestation...7 weeks early. He weighed in at 3 pounds 10 ounces and was 16.5 inches long, a tiny little guy. He let us know he was going to be okay by screaming a few seconds after birth...it was the most amazing sound I have ever heard!

The background on events leading up to that night...
The week before he was born, we learned at our regular doctor's appointment that Tate had an irregular heartbeat. After a fetal ecko with a cardiologist, we knew that everything was formed correctly with his heart but something else was causing the irregularity. Our doctor and the cardiologist both assumed it had to do with his cord being twisted or having pressure on it somewhere. Our doctor then wanted to see us weekly to watch it and told us at our appointment on Wed. the 25th that we would probably have to take him early to avoid putting too much strain on his heart. I was given a steroid shot to help him mature faster and be ready for an early arrival. Zach was supposed to give me a second dose on Thursday...that didn't happen! We made our peace with that and assumed we would have another 3-4 weeks before he would come...very wrong!

That night, the 25th, I went upstairs to get ready for bed and took my phone with me. A few minutes later I called Zach because I was 99% sure my water broke. He came upstairs flustered and scared and we called our doctor on her cell phone. She said she would meet us at the hospital. I knew it was bad but did not expect Tate to be born a few hours later.

We arrived at the ER at about 10:30 and our doctor got there just before 11:00. She checked me and told us I would be having a c-section that night. That was one of the scariest things I have ever heard. I knew that 7 weeks early was not a good thing. She told me that he had to come and there was nothing we could do, but that she felt confident he would be okay.

Zach made some phone calls to some very surprised and scared parents, signed some forms, and met me in the operating room. By the time he got to me I had already been given my epidural and was in panic mode...so worried about Tate. Less than 5 minutes after Zach got to the room, I was cut open and about 10 minutes later Tate was out of me, screaming, and Zach left with him at my request. I was much calmer after hearing him scream and seeing him for a few seconds...long enough to kiss his cheek (which I have not been able to do since).

As they were getting ready to sew me up, they started taking pictures...kind of strange...then showed me one on the camera screen and explained that my uterus has a problem. Apparently it is heart shaped and that happens to less than 1% of women...it was formed that way before I was born. Due to the shape, the baby runs out of space quicker...hence the early arrival. It is something that generally can't be diagnosed unless someone physically looks at your uterus...like during an emergency c-section. I have been told that I can have more children but will have to have a surgical procedure before another pregnancy and will never be able to carry a child to full-term, but will steroid preparation during pregnancy and the surgery it is safe to try again. That is something that Zach and I will approach prayerfully in a few years. For the time being we just want our little boy home!

Since being in the NICU, Tate has impressed the doctors. That fact that he has breathed on his own since birth is very impressive for a 33 week preemie and especially impressive for a boy. He also was back over his birth weight at 5 days...another impressive move from our little fighter. The doctors were hoping for him to gain 20-25 grams daily, but the last two days he has gained 50 and then 40 grams!! Again...he is a superstar! At this rate he will be home much sooner than the month we were initially told...hopefully in another week or so.

This has been, by far, the hardest thing I have ever had to do. To leave your baby at the hospital and only be able to see him twice a day for less than an hour is heartbreaking. His progress and the love and prayers of so many have helped me so much. I am having to take medicine for high blood pressure right now...due to stress...but that will pass eventually. I am trying to be calm!! Zach has been amazing to me through all of this. He lets me cry every night and his love for Tate warms my heart. We feel so very blessed and are already more than in love with Tate. We can't wait to have him home and feel like real parents!!

Yesterday we were each able to hold Tate for the first time. I can't even put that into words...8 days of waiting was enough! Zach was also able to take a picture of him...the NICU here is very strict, which is for the best. So enjoy our first photo of little Tate...notice the dimple and mohawk, my favorite parts!! The tube in his mouth goes to his stomach and is how he is fed right now. Once he gains a bit more weight he will be able to start bottle/breast feeding. Right now they don't want him to expend that much energy to eat...baby steps for our baby.

We also have a photo of the 3 of us that was taken in the operating room, but I have not scanned it in yet. I will get around to that soon...right now it is on the fridge and is for sure not the best shot of me! Pale, crying, shaking, and generally in shock...not really a good look on anyone!

Thanks to everyone for the prayers and love...keep them coming. We hope to have Tate home in the next week or so. After that there will be many photos of his handsome face!